Case study: “Do something to end violent relationship, if not, it will never end”

It had been seven years of married life. We have two kids, the eldest is in class one and the youngest is three years old.

Since 2013 there were a lot of problems in our marriage. I heard many stories about my husband having affairs but when I asked him he lied to me. My husband is a senior staff member working in a prominent workplace here in Tonga.

He was having an affair with a married woman in the same workplace. When I asked him about this he beat me up every time. Because I was really hurt days went by. I felt weak and my health was not good. I started to be mentally affected too.

My mother told me to let go of him, but because I still loved my husband, it was hard for me to get out of this violent relationship. I cried day and night but still he did not care.

I began to take my anger out on our kids. I treated them badly. I stopped my eldest child from going to school and I stopped myself from engaging in any of our religious function and obligations.

While I was suffering not knowing what to do, my mother in law and all my husband’s brothers interfered.

One day my husband went to work and forgot his phone. I picked up the phone, scrolled down and read all his dirty texts with this woman from his workplace.

When he came home after work I asked him about the text messages. He admitted it was true, that he was having an affair. He said he was sorry and asked me to forgive him. He said it was finished and that it would not happen again.

A short time later, I knew that the affair was continuing.  Honestly, I saw no hope that I would be able to leave him.  But the problems were getting worse and I could see that my daughters’ education and lives were being affected.

One day I met with one of my friends and told her what I was going through. My friend told me about the centre. She directed me to WCCC to seek help and support and I was very thankful that she directed me to the right place for help.

I had some counselling sessions. They gave me options which made me feel empowered to make decisions for myself. I am happy now. I had thought to myself that I would never get out of this violent relationship until I died, but NO I can.

I encourage all women who are stuck in a violent relationship like mine; the WCCC is there to help you. If you don’t do anything the violence will not stop.