Go, I had enough of you

A first hand account of violence from a client at the WCCC.

He went last Friday to work, and up to today he hasn’t returned home. We had one child who was adopted and he is dead now. I was so worried about my husband, where he is because I know that he went to work. I contact his workplace to check on him but he didn’t come to work.

I have been thinking where I would go to look for him, because there was nothing happened between us that would make him left me.

I went to his brother’s home to see if he went there but he’s not. Then I went to his friend’s home to check and he was there but they said he left already, and then I stay and wait for him to come back.

When he came back, I asked him to tell me what happened that makes him go like that. The only answered he gave me, “go I had enough of you” and he went out and left.

I followed him and asked him to tell me what is going on and I was crying at the same time, all he said, “Go, I had enough of you.” I stood there and cried then I went home.

I moved and stay with my aunty (my mother’s sister) and think to find a job to get some money to support me and wait and see what will happen to our marriage.

 

Don’t think that you’re nothing, do something to end violence

A first hand account from a client of the WCCC.

I got married when I was 17 and my husband was 21. My parents didn’t want me to get married but it’s my own choice.

We were very much in love. We have our own house.  My husband work every day and I stayed home and did our house work. We have a lovely time together at home, we talk to each other nicely, eat, play together and he was taking good care of me and we were staying happily.

After a year of our marriage, he start to do things that looks different to me as he uses to do before. He starts to come home late from work and he’s drunk. He talks to me in a loud voice, he swear at me, he starts telling me to do everything. All the good things that we have before is gone.

I got pregnant and on my 5 month pregnant, he came late from work one day, he was drunk already, he told me to iron his clothes because he will go out with his friends. He shouted and swore at me I was so scared and just did whatever I was told to do.

He came home after 4 o’clock in the morning, he wake me up to warm his food. I was so lazy to do it, he got my hand and threw me towards the door. He told me not to try him but do what he said and don’t give any words.

I gave birth on our child at the hospital he never came and see us. I call him but he said, he’s going to a party with his friends.  I was so sad and the same time I feel lonely with my daughter at the hospital.

We spent two days at hospital before going back home. When we get home he was not there and thank God the lady from our neighbor came and helps me because I was not feeling well.

The next morning my husband came he was surprise seeing us at home. He kisses me and baby he asks many questions about our staying at hospital. Everything he asked makes me feel angry at him. I swear at him and he slaps my face. I cry and I don’t know what to do.

Whenever we had an argument I would apologies but he wouldn’t hear me. He would make me cry by threatening me and saying bad things to me. He always said to me, I have nothing at home, do what he told me if not he will punch me, and don’t ask anything from him. He also label myself that I was a school cut not know anything; the only thing I know is the pot at the kitchen.

I sat down one day and think about my husband of everything he has done to me and there was a time I told myself I will do something to let my husband know that I can stop all what he is doing to me and to end the violence.

One day he went to work. I went straight to the police station and take my statement and they tell me about the centre if I need help. So I went to the centre and they help me.

The police ask me if I want to talk with my husband before my final statement. I said yes, but I need my Counselor to sit in and do it at the police station.

We have a good talk and sharing. They gave us time to talk about our family and our current situation. He confess all what I’ve said about him and he apologize for what he had done to me and our little girl, he ask me to give him a chance so he would change his behavior and he know all what he does is wrong and not good he will do everything that I want to. So I forgive him and I told him only one thing I want is for us to take counseling at the centre which it’s really helpful, he agree for it.  So I decided to went back home with my husband. We have a new life, new family and we start to have our happy family that we have before.

I encourage you women who are having problems with your husband, don’t thing that you a nothing, believe yourself and be positive and do something to end violence at home so that you live in a happy and safe environment which is free from violence.

 

I just don’t have the guts to tell anyone

A first hand account from a client at the WCCC

I use to work to one of the government department before and we had some problem in which they took me to court.

One of the government agents was working on my case and suppose to take me to the police station to take down my statement, but he took me to some bush and raped me.

It has been four years since then; I just can’t have the cuts to tell anyone about what happen to me, even my mother. I can’t get to report it to the police as he’s a government agent; I assume that they’ll just wipe it away.

I was ashamed of myself to even tell anyone that I have lost my dignity, my worth of being a woman, the one thing that you live for as being a woman.

I was working together with one of the lawyers concerning my case and I told him about what happen to me for the first time hoping that the lawyer will brought it up to be known, but he didn’t.

I have to see one of the government offices concerning the sentencing of my case and I have to explain my case from the beginning, I mention something about what happen to me and this person encourage me to seek help from the centre and I did.

At the moment we have a deal with the police, they are always there beside me to help and to go through everything, and I am more at ease at home feeling good about myself. I am just waiting for my court case.

 

Seven years of marriage life, seven years of pain

A first hand account from a client of the WCCC.

I think to myself that he’s the right person, with his smiling face, soft voice when we were still going out. He love and care for me.

I was shocked after our wedding for a few months, I realized he have a new attitude. He gets angry all the time, show by his face and his voice and he starts drinking and going out with friends. During the same year I get pregnant with our eldest child. He first hit me when I was three months pregnant, because of not sitting with him at the kitchen until he finishes eating. At that time he was drunk. He punches, push and kick me and saying bad things to me. From that day, I cried and hurt myself of what he did to me.

It comes to a time, he wants me, whatever he said to me to be said it at once, do whatever he wants and never ask anywhere he’ll go, what he does and who is he texting with him on his phone, and if I don’t do that, he will do something bad to me.

The time he gets drunk, I always try to make him food for him to come and eat. Most of the time of our marriage life he always away from home especially at night time, and sometimes I didn’t know where he sleep that night until he came home the next morning.

One day he go out and return back until the next day he was drunk and I didn’t know that he gets angry because we didn’t have any meat but he did knew that before he go out that there’s no meat to have it with our haka (root crops). I was busy trying to make the fire to make the food, he gets a piece of wood and hit me on the head and I fell on the ground and out of conscience. Luckily one of our neighbor saw us and make his way to us, he told me that my husband was just stand there laughing. He tries to wake me up and he pours a bucket of water on me and I get up. He tries to take me to the hospital but my husband didn’t want him to and he stops me.

After a few months, I realized he spent most of his time on phone and texting. One day he gets ready to go to the bush, he left but he forgot his phone. His phone ringing and I know that he forgot it. I got his phone and it was a text message and I read it. From my understanding of reading the text message it is another lady that she’s staying with my husband on how she’s texting my husband. I send back a text message and tell her, never to text or call this number because he’s my husband and I am the wife.

After a while, my husband came back to take his phone and he left. Not even an hour from that time he came back again and start swearing at me, yelling at me why I touch his phone, is none of my business and who I am to touch it and never call to that number because I didn’t know who is she and she didn’t even know me. He slaps me on the face and punches me and keeps on swearing at me.

I cried on that day and think to myself I have to be brave to go to the police and make a complaint of what my husband is done to me and I was thinking to myself I’m worthless because he cares for other people not me.

The next morning, he went to the bush again, so I hurry myself to the police station to make my complaint. I was scared because this is the first time to me to make a complaint on my husband and I asked the police officer I can’t go back because I’m really scared of my husband if he knew it. The police officers told me don’t worry because there is a safe place he’ll refer me and my children to until our court case is done.

We went to the Women & Children Crisis Centre’s Safe House until our court case done, and my husband was sentenced to be suspended for three years and I feel to myself I am safe and there is something to protect me and my children.

To all mothers and sisters out there, I encourage you, if you’re experiencing abuse at home, you have to stand up and do something to stop that violence to make a happy home and a family free of violence.

 

I thought, “this is the last day of my life…”

First hand account from a client at the WCCC.

I was the only daughter of four children. My parents divorced because my father was having an affair with another woman, then our mom left oversea and leave us to stay with our father.

During this time we were still at school, and it was my last year at tertiary school. I come across many problems living with my father’s fiancé’, she need us to do everything she tells us and if not she will tell us to our dad and he will punished us.

I was very sad because I didn’t get use to these things while we were staying together with our mother.

One Saturday I went with the girls’ next door swimming. My father came back from work we have no food yet and his fiancé told my dad that how many times she told me to do the haka but I refuse to do it and I went swimming.

While we were swimming, my younger brother came and call me back and I didn’t care. He came again then we went home. I haven’t got in to our home my father walk towards me with a piece of hose and beat me up.

He beat me so bad, I can’t even stand up but crawl around the ground and I lost one of my front teeth.

Luckily my aunty showed up and starts yelling at my dad to stop. She took me to her house and cleans myself and my bruises and make me food and to take me to the hospital but I didn’t want too because I was too shy.

After these seven years, this is the first time I have the courage to share it to one of the WCCC’s staff to help me. I have a family now with 2 kids but I need help in raising my kids and avoid me from punishing them just because of what I have come across and I didn’t want it to happen to my kids and my family.

I am very thankful for the hard work that the center is doing, and I’m encouraging all women if you have family problem at home, the center is more than happy to welcome and help you.

 

Don’t risk your life sticking to a partner that abuses you

A first hand account from a client of the WCCC

It isn’t always easy to talk about how I experience life in this age. When I was 3 years old my dad left. I was the only child and so my mom work hard for me and her family. When I was 8 years old my mom passed away. Everything went wrong. It was because I always make bad decisions. I started to smoke cigarette when enter college.

After two years I came to Tongatapu to my dad’s side. Then I started to cope up with how they live their life, drinking alcohol and smoke weed almost every day. I choose that wrong environment to do all that those things thinking, it counts. I passed form 6 in 2008. The next year I went to Tertiary Institute. By the end of the first semester I met this guy who asked me out.

I started to lie to my family in many ways to go somewhere just to be with him. And so I lose my virginity, one month later, he got me pregnant. After I gave birth, he left me with our child which he is a little boy and he was 5 months old. My heart torn into pieces thought it could heal by going out with another guy so I do the same thing all over again.

One day I think I want to put an end to all my painful times so I marry him. I was working at that time and so he jealous every day and hit me. I almost have black eyes every day. He abuse my little boy too, just because his mom advise him that he can’t continue stay as a husband to me because I have a baby already and he suppose to look for a person that will stay with him forever. He keeps on abusing me for years, by punching me almost every week. Then he got me pregnant again. After 4 months his mom made up a story that he’s not the father so he hit me while I was carrying his child then he left. I took him to court and so we separated. Those were very painful and unexpected moments. I seek advice but still not find peace.

Then one day I heard about WCCC and what they do. I went there and met a counselor and she took me in. Thanks, she helps me stand up again. Thanks to WCCC because ever since my husband left, I felt stranded and so lonely knowing that I don’t have any money and yet not prepared for the upcoming new born. They took me to their Mo’ui Ke Fiefia Safe House whom the people who work there will take care of me, and so the WCCC supply everything. They comfort me, my counselor always counsel me and make the right move.

It is how it made me strong. I use to be a cry baby ever since my husband abuse me. I came to the safe house and realize that I am not the only one being abused but there are many came through the same situation. Lucky, the Centre helped us.

So I file a case on my husband and every hearing my counselor accompany me to court and always by my side to support me. Up until now, my husband has not come to see me or baby.

The WCCC still gives diapers and clothes for my baby which he is 2 months old now. For 3 years I make the same bad decision over and over again. Even though I was abused by him, I didn’t have the courage to seek help until now.

Now I learn from my mistakes. I am now a new woman. I am not dependent on anyone for my happiness. So I’m here to live up to anyone’s expectation or make efforts to other people’s happy at the cost of my own happiness.

So if you’re wearing the same shoe, I encourage you, whenever you have family problem, seek advice to any women near your place or call the Centre for Women and Children to help you.

 

I jump out of the van and call for help

A first hand account of a client from WCCC

I marry young. We were very much in love. It all starts when we stay together. He have affairs with other women. He use to beat me every day and cut my hair with a knife. He always come with his friends and drinks in our house. He made me sit at a corner and do whatever he wants me to do. Whenever we had an argument I always apologize but he never listen to me. He threatens me and says he can buy an another woman because he have money, I am just his house wife. He go out with friends every weekend and told me to stay home.

We have children but he never change. They saw us every day arguing and fighting and the way he treat me like a slave. One evening he came home drunk, he told me to warmed his food, but there was something he was angry with, he pushed me to the wall, he kicked my stomach and punched my face and also cut my hair with a knife. I look around and ran to the neighbor for help. They took me to the hospital for treatment then from there to the police station to take my statement, I wanted to lay charge on him.

While we were at the Police Station I saw my husband walk straight to me and say sorry for what he did. He start talking to me nicely and said that he just realize what he did is bad and promise me he’ll never beat and treat me bad again. At this point, I start to think that he is cared about me now, so I decided to go back home with him again.

As soon as we got home, he pushed me inside the house, close the door and start bashing me again. While beating me he said that it was what I’ve asking for since I want the public to know what he had done to me.

One Saturday he bought a box of beer. He starts drinking while I do the cooking. After dinner he started to talk to me angrily. He told me that I am a bitch. I was scared. He swear at me and talk about my past. At that time I felt like doing something to end what he’s doing. He went to sleep so I made up my mind to hurt him but I was too scared. I decided it’s better for me to leave the house. I took some of my clothes and go to one of my friend’s house at the bush. I hide there for almost a week.

One evening he found me and he was very angry and scary. He yells at me and I started to cry, because I was there by myself. I know he’ll do something bad to me. He came inside the house pull me to the van. He slap my face and said he’ll take me and beat me until I die. He ask me why I left the house but I never said anything but just say sorry and tell him I will never do it again. I cried and thinking of what am going to do, I know he will kill me.

I decided to jump out of the van. I felt on the ground and saw one vehicle came and I call for help. They stop and took me to the hospital and one of the man call the police and they came and took me to the police station and file my statement.

After that they took me to the safe house. I was happy because I feel safe and know that they will look after and taking care of me. I miss my children at home but I want to teach my husband a lesson.

The very next morning a counselor come to see me and I share everything with her and explain what has happened. I cried because I know that there are people who can listen to me.

On the day of the hearing the Magistrate told my husband that he acted like an animal towards me. All his reasons were not an excuse to treat me that way and he gave him a protection order for 2 years.

I encourage all women and girls who suffer from any forms of violence, Women and Children Crisis Centre will help you to live a life that is free of violence.

 

Women at work places: speak up and break the silence!

A first hand case study from a client of WCCC

I have been working at my job since June 2010.  I just broke up with my boyfriend at the time when a guy from my work asked if he could be my boyfriend and I accepted.  After about  two weeks I told him that we’re finished –  I didn’t like his behavior.  From then on he used to come to my office and say things to me like why did I finish with him but he never disrespect me in any way.

On the last day of December, he came into  my office doing the same thing complaining and asking if we could go back on being boyfriend girlfriend again.  All of a sudden  another man from our work  walked in and grabbed me from the front and told my ex-boyfriend to kiss me.  I was shaking my head around because I didn’t want to.   But he was holding my face in his hands and kissing my lips, sticking his tongue in my mouth.  After that they went out the door laughing.  I could hear them saying to their co-worker outside, “the offender just kissed the victim, she deserved it because she was playing hard to get”.

In the beginning of this year, my ex boyfriend grabbed my buttock one day as I was walking outside my office.  At this time, I heard rumors that he is talking about me having an affair with another men, saying that I am not a virgin and one day he say it straight to my face.  One day I walked inside one of the rooms at work and ass I walk in I can hear my name came up in my ex-boyfriend’s conversation and the men burst out laughing.  I was so angry. I walked up to him kicking his feet saying, what did you say about me? He didn’t say anything, they just kept on laughing. So I kicked himagain. Then he kicked me three times on the chest. It hurt so much because he was wearing his safety boots.  I went to the doctor to make a report.  I took it to the police and made a complaint about the two men, the man who held me and my ex boyfriend who kissed me, grabbed my buttock, gossiped about me and kicked me on the chest.

I’ll never forget this incident because this is the first time I have ever experience something like this even outside of work.   I haven’t felt like this ever in my life before.  That day I felt so afraid that I can’t sleep at night for few weeks, I felt dirty and angry and when they were laughing at me I felt used ‘ little and without dignity, I also felt frustrated thinking that I can’t do anything about it, that I am powerless  in this situation.

I came straight to the director of WCCC because that’s who I was advised to go to, and after talking to her a counselor was appointed to me while the director was worte a letter to my boss at work telling him that I am a client of the WCCC and informing him of my right to have a workplace that is safe and free of sexual harassment.

The counselor then documented my story, called the Ministry of Police Domestic Violence Unit to clarify some information and then we went into a counseling session. By the time we were finished the letter was ready and the centre delivered it to my work.

One of the reasons why I am so grateful to the centre, I didn’t know anything about my complaint if it wasn’t for the centre.  After I made my complaint I went with my parent, my counselor and the male advocate of the centre to court, we met up with the prosecutor and he told us that he dropped the case of one of the men because there is not enough  evidence and the other man will only be charged on one count.  Luckily, the two staff of the centre were there to level with him.  My counselor took me to the DVU unit again today to talk about my case and I am still unsatisfied but at the same time I am happy because the centre is there to help me, support me and make me feel good about myself, that I haven’t done anything wrong, and am empowered about this kind of situation.  We are still working on my case.

I feel very lucky that I came to the centre, the way they talk to the police it made me feel courageous, I feel good about myself, have high self-esteem, that I am supported, I advice you women out there especially women at work places to speak up and break the silence, that’s the purpose of my taking this case to court.  I don’t want to go through this again, and I don’t want it to happen to anyone at my work place or any other organization.    I am very grateful that I came to the centre and it was true that they help me a great deal. They did a great deal  more than what I expected.

 

I was so frightened and so sad that I kept quiet

A firsthand account of reporting child sexual abuse from a client at WCCC.

It happened on a Friday night when I went back home with my mom after attending a funeral. We stayed at another family’s house and while my mum was having a shower I went in the kitchen and ate with the other family. We watched TV in the living room after and two of the women in the house left for the funeral. It was only me, a lady and her daughter and an older man (whose wife had gone to the funeral) left watching TV.

I felt tired and I went to my bedroom and lay on the bed. Suddenly the man walked in and started pulling down his pants and began to touch me. I started to scream but he said not to make any noise so that the others would not hear me. I was so frightened and so sad that I kept quiet. After doing what he did he put back his clothes on.

 

They told us to pack our things and go. We went and explained everything to my dad who was working at the time. He asked my mom to take me to my sister and her husband’s house. But still my mom felt that I wasn’t safe there. So she met up with one of the centre’s staff who happened to know my dad at his work. And they took me to the centre and they were very welcoming which made me felt comfortable and calm.

The old lady was standing at the door and was surprised to see the perpetrator in my room. She asked him what he was doing and he said he was going to turn on the light because the light switch was in my room. The old lady knew that he was lying so she called his partner to come back from the funeral. The wife started to beat me up when I told her what happened because they all believed what he said. So they called my mom who was in the small house at the back and my mom almost beat me up too.